Wolf Bargain: A Reverse Harem Shifter Romance (Wolfish Book 3) Page 17

  Lydia glances over at me and then at the boys, before looking back to Romulus again.

  “If you want to save your grandchildren and your bloodline and try to save what is left of our pack and our family … this is what needs to be done.”

  Lydia is masterful with words. She speaks so truthfully and so powerfully, and she’s right.

  That always helps, being right.

  The moment she’s finished, I can see the look in Romulus’ eyes change. He doesn’t like it, but he’ll agree to it now.

  “We’ve never been apart in a fight,” Romulus says as he lifts his hand to press her palm against his jaw.

  “We’ve never been in a fight like this before,” she says, smiling sadly at him.

  Romulus leans forward and kisses Lydia. I think that they are the strongest and most devoted couple that I have ever seen, and I admire them for it.

  I look at the boys who are equally as moved. If Romulus agrees with me, which I know now that he will thanks to Lydia, then the boys will follow his lead, even though they won’t want to.

  Romulus turns back to us.

  “Don’t say it,” Rory says before his father even opens his mouth. “Don’t tell us that you agree with this. It’s stupid and dangerous and it’ll only put Sabrina in unnecessary risk.”

  “Sabrina was put in unnecessary risk the moment that she moved into that cabin,” Romulus says. “You know that as well as I do. I tried to fight it then, I won’t try to fight it now. She’s bound to the three of you too tightly, not even I will stand in the way of that.”

  Then Romulus turns to face me.

  “You can come,” he says. “And Lydia will take the pups to safety. We’ll do our best to keep you safe during the fight for as long as we can.”

  “Thank you,” I say. The boys bristle, making all kinds of frustrated and disgruntled noises next to me. I ignore them.

  For now.

  “Don’t thank me yet,” he says as he and Lydia get ready to leave the room. “You still need to talk with the boys. We’ll leave you four alone to discuss it.”

  “Sabrina this is madness,” Rory says as soon as the four of us are alone. “This is going to make tomorrow even more difficult. None of us are going to be able to concentrate on the fight because we’ll be too busy trying to protect you.”

  “I don’t need your protection,” I say stubbornly.

  Rory huffs and throws his hands in the air. “Of course you do,” he says. “You have never shifted before. You don’t even know what to expect. You can’t just hop into your wolf body and take off fighting as if you’ve been in that skin your whole life.”

  “Why not?” I ask. “You said the human nature and the wolf nature work as one and that it’s not like a separate entity. So why wouldn’t I just be able to feel at home in my wolf skin? I think you’re wrong. I think I have spent three months being ready for this shift and that it’s going to work.”

  “Besides,” I add, standing up straighter, “aren’t new shifters more dangerous? You were always going on and on about that before, whenever you talked about how Remus and Romulus fell out in the beginning. Isn’t that going to work to our advantage, this being my first shift?”

  “Well that sure as hell is a big gamble to take if you’re wrong,” Rory says, clearly upset.

  “But Sabrina,” Kaleb says as he stands right in front of me, so close that our noses are almost touching. “What about our children, our sons and daughter? How can you just hand them over to Lydia instead of wanting to protect them yourself?”

  Now it’s my turn to bristle.

  “Do you honestly think that I want to hand our children off to someone else, even if it is Lydia? Of course I want to protect them myself, wouldn’t you? The thought of leaving my babies behind to come and fight with you makes me feel like I am dying inside. But I don’t think you understand. Lydia can teach them things I never could. She knows what it is to be a shifter. But it’s more than that …”

  I stop talking for a minute to look at all of them. I calm my voice and speak slowly and purposefully so that they truly hear what I am trying to tell them, above all of the panic that is rising in all of our heads.

  “I did not become a shifter to spend the next four or five centuries without you. I cannot and will not live without you. We made a promise, and I intend to keep that promise.”

  I have to clear my throat. I will not cry. I have to say this.

  It has to be said.

  And now is the only time to say it.

  “We stay together, end of story. I have to help fight. I have to stand beside you and if you think that I’m just doing it because I want to run around as a wolf and prove something childish, then you are way off-base. I’ve given a lot of thought to this. I know what will happen if we lose.”

  “Do you, though?” Rory asks, stepping forward, his voice gruff.

  I shoot him a withering look and ball my hands into determined fists at my sides.

  “I know that our pups will be raised without ever knowing their parents and trust me when I say that I know how much parentless childhoods suck. I know that I might have to watch one of you die on this hill tomorrow or that you might have to watch me be killed. I am very much aware of all the horrific things that could happen … but I will not leave you and I will not let you leave me behind again, not ever. You heard what Romulus said; we are bonded and to me that means everything. Without that, there is nothing else; no family, no future.”

  I stand there waiting for one, or all, of them to lay into me more about how foolish and reckless I am being. But this time, they don’t.

  They just look at me.

  They look into me.

  “Okay,” Rory says.

  “Huh?” I say, not sure what he’s agreeing to because I thought for sure we would have to argue about this more.

  Rory walks over to me and kisses my cheek. Marlowe walks over to join us too. Then all three of them wrap their arms around me and I take a deep breath in as I bury my head against their chests. This is my grounding space, between them.

  “You can come,” Rory says reluctantly. “Not that we would have been able to stop you anyways. I should know that by now.”

  30

  Sabrina

  That night as I lay there between the boys and with the babies sleeping on top of furs around us, I can’t bring myself to close my eyes.

  I’m too afraid that this will be our last night together. I’m too afraid that if I close my eyes now … that tomorrow night I will hate myself for not looking at them all with every moment that I had.

  The boys are worried too, I don’t need the bond between us to sense it. They stayed awake for a long time, lying beside me in silence as we held each other. I could feel the nervousness emit from their skin and the uneasy, unsettled energy in the air. But eventually they gave way to sleep.

  Nursed and coddled, the pups have fallen into a satiated and dreamy slumber.

  They’re calmer than I imagine human babies are. They barely fuss—and even when they do, it’s as if I instinctively know exactly what they need.

  Like the bond I share with their fathers.

  Tonight they were even quieter than normal. It’s like they seemed to know that rest and quiet was needed. Every once in a while, one of them still opens a drowsy eye but before a cry is made, they fall right back to sleep. The three of them look a bit like the four of us, snuggled up against each other and resting in comfort as long as they each have a hand or a foot or a nose touching the others.

  No matter what happens tomorrow, at least they have each other.

  Like Rory, Marlowe, and Kaleb … they will never be alone.

  I can’t cry anymore. There’s no point in it, and besides, there are no tears left.

  There is only the strength to survive.

  When I finally do close my eyes, it’s already nearly morning and I can see the light in the room change from a pitch black to a dim gray. I want to dream. I want to have a gloriou
s dream that shows me that we will be successful, that we will all survive.

  I can’t hope for more than that. At this point, survival is enough.

  Still, I want to see a dream in which all of my babies and all of my mates are with me and I am no longer afraid to close my eyes and lose them.

  But I don’t dream at all. There is only an empty sleep that leaves me feeling vacant when my eyes open again to the sound of babies finally crying.

  “I think they’re hungry,” Kaleb says as he brings one of the pups to me.

  I take her and wrap my arms around her as she nurses. Marlowe hands me another, and I do the same; while Rory cuddles with our third baby as he waits his turn.

  “We need to name them,” he says as he looks in the baby’s eyes.

  “I was hoping to have more time to do that,” I say. “Names are such personal—”

  I stop myself mid-sentence when I realize that this might very well be the last time that we have with them. Marlowe reaches out to touch my arm when he sees the look on my face.

  I know right away that this is the reason I’ve avoided this moment.

  It’s as if naming them … it finishes something. This short saga—my brief and traumatic pregnancy—will be over in a way once they’re named.

  As if reading my mind, Rory reaches for me.

  “On second thought,” Rory says as he hands me the baby and Kaleb takes one of the others from me to make space. “Let’s wait until this is all over.”

  The day passes by too quickly and I feel as if I am trying to hold on to every moment.

  As dusk approaches, we get the pups ready to go with Lydia. She will leave with them ahead of time. No one will be expecting it because no one even knows they’ve been born yet.

  If they see Lydia leave, they shouldn’t give her much trouble.

  Not when I’m the intended target.

  Not when I’m the prize.

  Even still, Lydia will go carefully and stay to the shadows in the trees. If she waits any longer, then it will be too hard to say goodbye.

  Romulus has made her a carrier so that she can carry one of the babies on her back, one on her chest, and one in her arms. She is light on her feet and fast, so it will not be long before she is able to put enough space between her and the fight.

  If we survive, then Romulus knows where she will be waiting, and we will go to meet her and retrieve our children. As Romulus and Lydia share a tender moment and say their goodbyes; Rory, Marlowe, Kaleb, and I hold our pups one last time before we let them go.

  I feel sick at the thought of them leaving … but I know this has to be done.

  I cradle all three of their tiny bodies against me while the boys surround us in a protective embrace. The bond between us all is so strong that I can feel the pull of it inside the very air between us.

  “Stay safe, little ones,” I whisper onto their heads. “Stay safe so that when you return, we can give you your names.”

  I wish I had a world of time to say goodbye.

  But I don’t, and the moment to leave comes too soon.

  The boys and I kiss each of their tiny heads, and then Rory helps to take them from me and place them into the carriers on Lydia. As each pup is taken from my arms, I feel a piece of me being ripped away and it hurts so much that I cry again, even though I thought my tears were gone.

  Kaleb and Marlowe hold me, and I can feel their pain mix with mine.

  I don’t know if it’ll make a difference in battle or not, but we have something to fight for that is stronger than Remus’ delusional pure-blooded ideology. I know that.

  We are fighting for our family. For love. There can be no greater purpose than that.

  I have to believe that.

  As soon as Rory has placed the last baby he comes to join in our embrace. I look up at Lydia and she smiles at me. This time there is no happiness in her smile. This time there is only empathy and sorrow.

  I can’t bear to watch them go, so I lower my head onto the boys’ shoulders and close my eyes.

  When I open my eyes again, Lydia and our pups are gone. All that stands before us now is Romulus, and although it looks like he too has shed a tear, it now also looks like he’s angry enough to pull Remus teeth from his mouth one at a time.

  Turn pain into power.

  We waste no time now, there is no reason to. All that we love has either already left or is standing beside us and ready to fight. There is nothing left to do now other than prepare to fight Remus and his pack with every bit of fury that we have left. Lydia will bring our pups to safety and so we clear our minds of that now, because we need to focus only on the fight ahead.

  Especially because with each moment it ticks closer, I become more and more aware of how fully unprepared I am for this.

  As the dusk turns a deeper shade of night, we step outside onto the hillside.

  We’re so close to the house I can still smell the lingering smells of dinner. That, or I just like to imagine I can.

  It makes me feel safe.

  As if those walls could truly protect me tonight.

  Vivian is already there with some of the other pack members and they are watching as Remus and his pack start to arrive. They don’t wait for all of us to gather. By the looks of it, they may have even already gotten here first.

  I do take it as a slightly good sign, however, the way they trickle in. All the other times I’ve seen them, they move like a single hive mind connected to Remus.

  Maybe this means they’ve grown restless. Maybe this means they’ve grown sloppy.

  We walk up to stand beside Vivian, welcoming her familiar face.

  “You’ll be stronger than many of the others,” she says to me, taking my hand for a second when the boys look away. “You’re the newest shifter here, so you will have more strength than most of them. Not that it will matter when we are outnumbered by this much … but at least it’s something. I just thought I should tell you in case you didn’t know.”

  “Thank you,” I say as I give her a small smile. “For what it’s worth, if we survive this—”

  “We won’t,” Vivian interrupts. She may be blunt, but at least she’s honest.

  I just hope she’s also wrong.

  I have to.

  “Well, on the rare chance that we do,” I continue, “I’m not jealous of you anymore. In fact, I think I’d really like it if we could be friends.”

  Vivian laughs and throws her arm around my shoulder.

  “Is that supposed to motivate me to stay alive?” she teases. “Because if we’re being honest, I’ve heard better motivational speeches.”

  I laugh too. Why not? Better to laugh in the face of death than cry I suppose.

  But when she takes her arm down from my shoulder, she looks at me a bit more seriously.

  “I’d actually like that too,” she says. “I could use another girlfriend; one that I don’t want to kiss.”

  “Wait, so you don’t want to kiss me?” I say, mocking offense.

  She just rolls her eyes, and for a moment, I forget what’s looming right in front of us. Right in front of us, here, at the base of this hill.

  “Alright, enough trying to make nice and get along,” Marlowe teases as he puts an arm around us both. “What’s it look like, Viv?”

  “It looks like we’re screwed,” she says, her eyes shifting forward to the shadowy figures growing in number at the edge of the forest.

  But as I follow her gaze, I see that they’re not at the edge of the forest anymore. They’ve started to move.

  Kaleb and Rory and Romulus all stand beside us and look at Remus and his pack, who are now ascending from the base of the hill. There are so many of them. So many that it makes my stomach hurt as I watch them climb the hill and know that there’s nothing that we can do to stop this from happening.

  In this moment, I feel my resolve waver.

  “You’re all here because of me,” I say in a quiet voice. “This is all my doing; none of this would be hap
pening if it weren’t for me.”

  “No,” Romulus says, surprising me. “It would have happened anyway, eventually. Remus was becoming more and more unhinged about his pursuit of pure-blooded packs only. You’re not the only human that has or will be turned. There are plenty of other packs with turned shifters … and eventually Remus would start to come for them all. This isn’t because of you being with my boys, and it’s not because of my feud with Remus. This is happening because he is a wolf shifter that’s out of control and needs to be put down.”

  The boys look at their father with eyes that are filled with a deep respect. I don’t think they’ve ever heard him speak about his brother in such bold and simple terms.

  He’s right; Remus needs to be put down.

  “See?” Vivian teases. “So, stop flattering yourself. You’re not that important.”

  This time, though she means well, her words fall flat. I might not be the only reason Remus and his pack descend on us now, but I am the reason they’re here tonight.

  As Remus’ pack gets closer, the nervous energy around our pack gets higher.

  It gets so high that it starts to feel as if even the ground beneath our feet is vibrating. It vibrates louder and louder until … it’s not just like it’s vibrating. It’s not just energy. These vibrations have started to feel more like movement, as if the hill is moving to a steady beat. It’s almost like the pounding of footsteps growing closer.

  And then Vivian turns her head over her shoulder, and everything changes as her voice calls out in surprise.

  “Look!”

  We all turn around to see what she is pointing to, to see what’s making it feel as though the hill itself is thrumming.

  My jaw drops when I see all of the people walking toward us from the opposite side of the hill. There are more than I can count, more than I can see, and certainly more than Remus has marching up the hill with him. Even with his growing numbers.

  There are people coming onto the top of the hill from all sides around us except for the single direction in front of us where Remus is positioning his pack. The boys look around at all of them in astonishment and when they reach within a few feet of us, they stop.